Well, I knew this was coming.
I knew this day was inevitable.
My “emptying”.
I have lost almost everything I once had and cherished.
I lost my vanity (pride in my so-called “cute” appearance).
People used to find me “cute” but the compliments stopped coming my
way after a particularly bad and drastic hair-cut and the fact that at present
my skin is full of spots. My once-always-laden stock of expensive cosmetics has
significantly diminished (All this may be temporary but I still take it as a
lesson).
I have lost all my money. My savings and recurring accounts
are both depleted. I closed the latter a long time back (prematurely) in face
of a financial crunch.
I lost my job as project director in an upcoming film production
company due to cost-cutting.
Once a happening name in the media fraternity as reporter,
copy-editor and editor, I am nowhere on the scene right now. I am a “has-been”.
I lost (in fact never got) the men I loved. And my last and
only “love-affair” ended after I attempted suicide (I downed a glass of floor
cleaner but survived after I puked the poison).
Well, why am I sharing all this with you? Ask me and I have
an answer. Despite me losing everything, being “emptied” of everything I ever possessed,
I am at peace…in fact a tad too relaxed and happy. Why?
Because I believe God has taken them all away so that he can
teach me to trust in His provision every step of the way. Teach me how not to
trust in man, money or myself; how to give myself to him completely, how to ask
him to guide me with every little or big decision and how to realize that He
and only He counts in life.
God has slowly and steadily peeled away every superficial
layer that existed in me; demolished every one of my idols one at a time. He is
teaching me to practice simplicity in the most unexpected areas. Painful it
was, yes…when everything I believed in collapsed. I was left with an
overwhelming feeling of desolation and the question: “Why God? Why me?”
But then from the impenetrable shroud of silence, the answer
came: “MY grace is sufficient for you.” And trust me; his grace has been
sustaining me through all my broken dreams and supposed scarcity. I have a home
over my head, sufficient groceries to feed me and clothes that I find are good
enough to wear anywhere.
I thank God I have been through all this…it has taught me so
much…I have grown as a Christian, as a human being and as an individual.
Pain is that purifying fire that refines you and it teaches
you the one and only truth – when everything else fails, God remains… The only
thing I have now is family and friends who care for me but I believe even if my
dear ones fail me God will be there.
I have faith in God that sustains me through the most evil and
trying times, and the driest spells.
In fact, I am rich; abundantly rich and blessed in the
knowledge that there is an unfailing Supreme Being who loves and cares for me!
"The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” :) Inspiring piece girl.
ReplyDeleteMe loved it so much. A very wish post, lots wisdom entailed. Brightened my mood la.
ReplyDeleteIndeed God the Almighty is great, He will be there for you even in your darkest hours...continue on with your spiritual quest and you shall be blessed for He shall be with you forever and ever.
ReplyDeleteGod bless.