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Friday, August 30, 2013


Dear God,

I often ask myself why my life turned out the way it did.
What I fail to ask is why it did the way it didn't
Sorry for all the moments I took you for granted (I still do)
And I apologize for blaming you
When my own heart carried me away on its whims
I am also sorry that I forget to count my blessings
And share the riches you have gifted me
Love, laughter and life
I owe you one for all the rubs I got
Otherwise as Rumi said, how would I be polished?
I know I have hardened my heart against love
And I ask you to melt away my unforgiving disposition
Cultivated from the little hurts of life
I have forgotten to look at the rainbow in awe
And be inspired
Oh, I need your forgiveness for looking away
When love was all was needed and a little compassion
To aid my fellow brothers and sisters!
And for being a snivelling hypocrite 
Full of self pity while expressing outwardly courage!
But now I determine Lord
To make a difference
For from one begins many and more
Help me not to let my disappointments and triumphs
Disillusion or delude me
And make me an instrument in this world,
Your beautiful creation
To make life even more joyful and worth living!

Tuesday, April 9, 2013


Dear Brother,
And I mean “dear” because you have always been a loving figure and personality to me – someone with whom I bicker a lot but at the same time treasure and deem precious.
Of course, I get absolutely annoyed with some of your habits…like making up excuses for being overweight when you should be taking up the challenge of leading a healthier lifestyle ( I mean you are not bad looking but losing those extra pounds would add oodles of charm!) and being too dependent on family to sustain yourself instead of being enterprising and dynamic.
But then I know you are such a good human being at heart.
You don’t mind whenever I ask for a cup of tea from bed.
You share whatever little resources you have.
You are good with kids (something that never came naturally to me).
You keep in touch with kith and kin unlike me.
You don’t mind doing a bit of the dishes.
You keep me in splits with your wit and humour.
You are warm and big-hearted.
I have often been insensitive to you but the fact is when I was a baby you held my hand and taught me to write the alphabet.
We used to share packets of “Wai-Wai” over Tinkle comics.
You beat up the bully who tormented my best friend in school.
You have got artistic skills that I am proud of.
You have protected me always.
There will always be arguments but we share a special bond and I pray that we will continue to cherish one another as siblings held together by blood, emotions and the same God.
You mean a lot to me and I mean it J

Monday, April 1, 2013


Sometimes I get frustrated.
That pull-your-hair and shout-into-the-pillow kind of frustration when I see things that I should be doing, saying and seeing but am NOT doing, saying and seeing.
When I have made a resolution to read three books a month and barely manage to go through one.
When I determine to write more yet end up getting writer’s block with no substantial body of work behind me.
When I know I should be honing my skills and whatever little brains I have and on the contrary find myself in a state of physical and mental inertia.
When I know I should be emerging stronger from my past and find myself retrogressing into emotional trauma.
When I look into the mirror and the image that looks back at me shows a badly tucked in tummy and signs of premature ageing.
When I know I should be saving for rainy days but my purse is perpetually empty.
Why I ask myself should I be so weak, so average, so mediocre, so shunned by fortune?
But then something tells me I am lucky to even live this life, breathe in the fresh green air, feel the summer breeze on my face, take in the mellow sunlight and laugh it out with friends and family.
Something tells me that hope is there yet because I also give hope to others like my ageing parents and close circle of friends.
If only I could be a little less depressed the world would be a little happier place to live in or should I say?
Wisdom whispers in my ears not to be too harsh on myself because just as I have taken, my time to give has  arrived and I have to give unconditionally – that’s the law of life.
Faith, Hope and Love – these are the greatest elements in life, according to the Bible.
I hope because I have faith. I have faith because I am loved and have the privilege to love :)

Thursday, March 14, 2013


Well, I knew this was coming.
I knew this day was inevitable.
My “emptying”.
I have lost almost everything I once had and cherished.
I lost my vanity (pride in my so-called “cute” appearance). People used to find me “cute” but the compliments stopped coming my way after a particularly bad and drastic hair-cut and the fact that at present my skin is full of spots. My once-always-laden stock of expensive cosmetics has significantly diminished (All this may be temporary but I still take it as a lesson).
I have lost all my money. My savings and recurring accounts are both depleted. I closed the latter a long time back (prematurely) in face of a financial crunch.
I lost my job as project director in an upcoming film production company due to cost-cutting.
Once a happening name in the media fraternity as reporter, copy-editor and editor, I am nowhere on the scene right now. I am a “has-been”.
I lost (in fact never got) the men I loved. And my last and only “love-affair” ended after I attempted suicide (I downed a glass of floor cleaner but survived after I puked the poison).
Well, why am I sharing all this with you? Ask me and I have an answer. Despite me losing everything, being “emptied” of everything I ever possessed, I am at peace…in fact a tad too relaxed and happy. Why?
Because I believe God has taken them all away so that he can teach me to trust in His provision every step of the way. Teach me how not to trust in man, money or myself; how to give myself to him completely, how to ask him to guide me with every little or big decision and how to realize that He and only He counts in life.
God has slowly and steadily peeled away every superficial layer that existed in me; demolished every one of my idols one at a time. He is teaching me to practice simplicity in the most unexpected areas. Painful it was, yes…when everything I believed in collapsed. I was left with an overwhelming feeling of desolation and the question: “Why God? Why me?”
But then from the impenetrable shroud of silence, the answer came: “MY grace is sufficient for you.” And trust me; his grace has been sustaining me through all my broken dreams and supposed scarcity. I have a home over my head, sufficient groceries to feed me and clothes that I find are good enough to wear anywhere.
I thank God I have been through all this…it has taught me so much…I have grown as a Christian, as a human being and as an individual.
Pain is that purifying fire that refines you and it teaches you the one and only truth – when everything else fails, God remains… The only thing I have now is family and friends who care for me but I believe even if my dear ones fail me God will be there.
I have faith in God that sustains me through the most evil and trying times, and the driest spells.
In fact, I am rich; abundantly rich and blessed in the knowledge that there is an unfailing Supreme Being who loves and cares for me!