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Friday, July 2, 2010


Bitching is an art.

An art which comes most naturally to the fairer and notably louder sex, an art which can be perfected and which is most easily perfected because it is inborn and can be cultivated with utmost, in fact excessive pleasure bordering on addictive indulgence.

There are several kinds of bitching. One is the in-your-face rudeness, impudence if you may call it, or even audacity. A crude catty form of criticism. Scathing outpourings. “Did you hear the latest? I heard that she was two-timing two boyfriends with a third one!! How cheap can she get?” “I heard she sleeps with her boss and his wife is her best friend!”

And especially when there is a group of females, expect a volcanic eruption of sizzling tid-bits. Often the same females comprising a group and bitching with so much ado about others will be bitching against each other in different company.

Then there is another sort of bitching- bitching to extract information to bitch more about. “Did you know she is contemplating divorce with her second husband also? Poor thing!! I wonder how much alimony she is going to get, she deserves it and her husband is so sinfully rich!”

Then yet another sort- the honey coated words with the wasp’s sting. She pretends to sympathize or condole or express her unsolicited solidarity when she means just the opposite. “I heard she was a very studious girl in school. Poor thing! Imagine, she failed thrice in her 1st year of college! How could she? I have not failed even once but of course, I am not diligent like her!!” Ouch!!!

Bitching is an integral, indispensable part of the female psyche unless she is truly altruistic. God!! The games females play and the gift (curse?) of the gab they possess!! Bitching is an institution in itself and deserves an annual function with different-category awards. I really won’t be surprised if this wonderfully versatile art evolves into other potentially distinguished forms in the near future.

(And I also won’t be surprised if males in female company start stacking up on cotton wads to plug into their ears though I sure am not being fair on men if I say male bitching does not exist).

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