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Sunday, May 22, 2011


People call me a loner.
I think and try to define the word “loneliness”.
What exactly do you mean by “being lonely”?
And are “loners” necessarily lonely?
I come to a conclusion: There are two types of loneliness – the loneliness without and the loneliness within.
The first type thrives on the need for company or at least companions, people around you.
I have come across people where this need is their strength while it can also become their weakness.
Many people, especially extroverts have a manic need of being in a crowd, and noise, sounds and conversation becomes a habit with them. When they are alone, they feel something is missing.
This is the loneliness dependent on exterior conditions and it can be a kind of addiction which can lead to either harm or good. Excesses can destroy while moderation can be constructive and lead to social health and vitality.
This kind of people is usually fun-loving, daring and love talking. In fact, talking fulfills their psychological, social and personality needs. They are the ones who enliven a party or a group conversation and usually take initiatives.
So if suddenly, they are deprived of their friends or associates, they are most likely going to be subjected to dejection, depression and yes, “loneliness”.
This is the loneliness without.
Now the other one, the loneliness within, is a bit complicated.
This usually happens with introverts. Have you encountered the word – “spacing out?” Well, this kind of people is alone even in a wild, raucous crowd. Have you seen the occasional person who likes to be alone as a choice? And when the whole company is in high spirits, he seems to be the silent observer or listener?
He loves solitude and maybe poetry (to add a bit of romanticism).
He may talk but there is a certain quiet and calm in him.
He usually controls his passions to a high degree.
Surrounded by people but you just feel like you are the only one existing – loneliness within.
And to bring up the question, I brought up earlier – are loners necessarily lonely?
I don’t think so.
They live in a world that has a charm of its won.
Reminds you of art, literature, jazz, solitary walks by the river, listening to the rustling of leaves and watching the butterflies.
Reminds you of creativity, ideas, romance, dreaming and an ecstasy strange and secret.
The world tends to label people and put them into compartments.
It is stifling.
Let the company-lovers enjoy their talk and their glasses of wine. And let the so-called loner dream on and create.
Loneliness is not always a handicap but fear of it certainly is.

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