Well, I knew this was coming.
I knew this day was inevitable.
I have lost almost everything I once had and cherished.
I lost my vanity (pride in my so-called “cute” appearance). People used to find me “cute” but the compliments stopped coming my way after a particularly bad and drastic hair-cut and the fact that at present my skin is full of spots. My once-always-laden stock of expensive cosmetics has significantly diminished (All this may be temporary but I still take it as a lesson).
I have lost all my money. My savings and recurring accounts are both depleted. I closed the latter a long time back (prematurely) in face of a financial crunch.
I lost my job as project director in an upcoming film production company due to cost-cutting.
Once a happening name in the media fraternity as reporter, copy-editor and editor, I am nowhere on the scene right now. I am a “has-been”.
I lost (in fact never got) the men I loved. And my last and only “love-affair” ended after I attempted suicide (I downed a glass of floor cleaner but survived after I puked the poison).
Well, why am I sharing all this with you? Ask me and I have an answer. Despite me losing everything, being “emptied” of everything I ever possessed, I am at peace…in fact a tad too relaxed and happy. Why?
Because I believe God has taken them all away so that he can teach me to trust in His provision every step of the way. Teach me how not to trust in man, money or myself; how to give myself to him completely, how to ask him to guide me with every little or big decision and how to realize that He and only He counts in life.
God has slowly and steadily peeled away every superficial layer that existed in me; demolished every one of my idols one at a time. He is teaching me to practice simplicity in the most unexpected areas. Painful it was, yes…when everything I believed in collapsed. I was left with an overwhelming feeling of desolation and the question: “Why God? Why me?”
But then from the impenetrable shroud of silence, the answer came: “MY grace is sufficient for you.” And trust me; his grace has been sustaining me through all my broken dreams and supposed scarcity. I have a home over my head, sufficient groceries to feed me and clothes that I find are good enough to wear anywhere.
I thank God I have been through all this…it has taught me so much…I have grown as a Christian, as a human being and as an individual.
Pain is that purifying fire that refines you and it teaches you the one and only truth – when everything else fails, God remains… The only thing I have now is family and friends who care for me but I believe even if my dear ones fail me God will be there.
I have faith in God that sustains me through the most evil and trying times, and the driest spells.
In fact, I am rich; abundantly rich and blessed in the knowledge that there is an unfailing Supreme Being who loves and cares for me!